Valentine Planner (short story)

Awalllaaaaaammmoo!!

I will never be a Valentine Planneragain.

Today is valentine. Today makes it seven years of datining my girlfriend Uju. I have used her in my many stories. I have told the world about her. But today is the height of it all.

Uju had always told me how she needed a man who would propose to her on Valentine’s day. A man who will kneel to give her red roses with a ring. A man who will decorate everywhere with red bulbs, candles and flowers, and lots of romantic stuff.

Today was that special day for us. I knew Uju will be at work. I took permission from work to enable me plan this special day for Uju. It was meant to be a surprise.

I was going to decorate my house with all the lovely romantic materials I could lay my hands on. Most of these decorations will be done in my bedroom.

I will wait for her to return at night, then that was when I was going to propose to the love of my life. Very sweet surprising something.

I returned from shopping this afternoon to plan my decorations. I started my decoration with Red and white. I started by placing a mixture of red and white candles by the door of the house, so it could form a path way leading to the bedroom. I arranged them neatly. I even added white smoke to the room, to add flavour to my decoration.

My white candles finished, so I decided to use black for the bedroom decorations. I placed black and red candles neatly on the floor of the bedroom. I changed the bulbs in the house to red.

I bought a bouquet of red flowers, and hung the proposal ring on it. I bought a bottle of red wine, and placed in a small bucket of ice, which I placed on the table.

The way I decorated the room today eh, you will think I was a valentine planner. It was all red and black with white everywhere.

I wanted to add something surprising. Something that will make my Uju laugh when she sees it. I wanted to be innovative like Steve Jobs.

So I bought a live goat. Yes a live white goat.

That goat was suppose to be our valentine meat or suya. I tied the goat with red ropes and tied its leg so it wont run. I placed the goat in the center of the room and rounded it with red and black candles.

The sound of the “meeeeehhhh! Mehhh!” Coming from the goat, even added more beats to the sweet tunes of Ed-sheerans “Perfect love” which was coming from my radio.

Lastly, I changed my trouser, and put on a red and white boxers so as to march with the event. Uju was going to love this day. She will hug and kiss me after today. There will be erotica Congo shining after my proposal. Love would be in the air.

I walked out with matches and lighted the whole candles. Seventy candles in total. I increased the white smoke a little so that it serenaded the atmosphere.

Something told me my decorations was looking like Agege shrine, but I waved it off. Nothing will spoil my day.

At exactly 8pm Uju returned. I was in the bedroom waiting for her, shirtless, and with just my red boxers. I knelt beside the white goat I had bought.

From outside, I could hear Uju shout

“The blood of Jesus.” Seven times.

Uju must have been bewildered to see this decorations. I smiled from the bedroom and nodded my head like a lizard.

“Praises you are a valentine planner I swear.”

Uju opened the bedroom door where the whole action was to take place.

She saw me in red boxers, kneeling beside a white goat that was surrounded in red candles. She saw white vapour everywhere.

“Jesussssss!” Uju shouted in terror. The goat even replied with a loud “meeeeeehhhhhh.”

“Ah ah Uju which one is JESUS? You are suppose to say “awwwwnnnnn” like all those ladies do. Or even say ‘Madooo’ I will understand. Which one is Jesus again?”

“Praises. Praises so you are a ritualist. So it is true. It is true that you are a ritualist.” Uju pointed at me.

“Uju which one is ritualist again.” I asked in confusion.

I stood up to pick the bouquet of flowers to show her. I wanted to explain myself to Uju. I wanted to tell her that it was valentine design.

Before I could carry bouquet of flower, the white goat managed to pull out one leg out of the red rope. It zoomed out of the room, bleating. A scared Uju followed the white goat behind shouting.

I was about chasing them, when one of the candles fell. I picked the red candle and chased Uju behind to stop her.

“Uju please wait.” I shouted at the door way.

“Mehhhh mehhhhh” shouted the white goat.

“The blood of Jesuss! In the name of Jesus stay away from me Satan.” Uju shouted at me.

The white goat replied Uju with a louder “Meeeehhhhhhhh!” Meaning “Amen”

Uju and the goat zoomed pass my neighbours who stopped kissing to look at them.

They soon sighted me seriously running out of the room with red boxers and red candle in my hands. Before I could explain my story, they shouted and ran out of the gate like they had seen a lion.

Life is not easy o.

I stopped and looked at my legs. I had a red ribbon tangled to my legs during the chase. I was holding a red candle and wearing red boxers.

Today, I learnt a lesson. Fear anything that comes in red.

THE VALENTINE PLANNER by Praises Chidera Obiora

Happy Valentine to you all.